04/11/2022
Mental health - Life story
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Did you ever experience an event in your life that had a big impact on your future?
Do you feel like it was quite a traumatic experience?
Many people suffer from some kind of mental health issues but on the same note, many don't even realise...
Have you ever been digging deeper into your past to discover what events have had an impact on your life?
I did!
Why am I telling you all that?
First of all, I want to show other people that working on their own mental health is crucial and that anyone can overcome any trauma that is causing problems in their life...
I feel like I need to start telling my stories to others and by writing them down they can be here for future generations...
Secondarily, I need to let my past go so I can move forward toward a better future...
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When I was a child, I only had one grandparent. I loved to spend time at my grandma's house. Imagine, a lovely smell of traditional cuisine coming out of the kitchen pans on the old stove fuelled with wood and coal...
I enjoyed being around the "old" ladies' circle.
They were always gathering to remove the feathers from the dead ducks...
The feathers were used to make pillows and super thick duvets for the winter... I still remember jumping on the duvet piles :)
Did you ever experience anything like that?
I listened and learned the german language as this was my grandma's and her sisters' main language...
When they were children, our lands were occupied by germans therefore they were forced to go to german schools and only speak the language...
One of my grandma's sister was living in Germany and sometimes visited us, always bringing some nice sweets...
There are many great memories of my grandma however when I was about 11 years old, she started to develop dementia...
I could not enjoy being around my grandma for a long time...
Being a kid I was interested more in playing around, cycling, and having fun with other kids... I remember the smell of freshly cut grass and sun rays on my face [this memory brought a smile to my face]
Being an adult now, I wish I cared more about spending the last moments of her life with her...
Being adults we always memorise events through a different lens...
This is normal, but we got to stop blaming ourselves for the past!
Fast forward around two years, my only grandma sadly passed away, at age 86...
I cried for three days... [with a break for sleeping]
The funeral was one of the worst experiences in my life.
Hundreds of people gathered for the last journey... and I feel like I was the only one crying so much.
Writing it all down I can see it as it was yesterday.
I feel like later on in my adult life I enjoyed elderly people's company and I even worked helping them out, then managing retirement living and care homes.
It was a great feeling at the start as I was able to have many "grandmas" and "grandpas" I never really have.
I enjoyed it truly.
Unfortunately over my 6 years working in this environment I have experienced many more passing and funerals... I was losing my grandma all over again.
I was getting attached to those people and could not separate my personal life from my work.
I was suffering mentally and couldn't really understand why, until I started to talk about my feelings.
I suffered from depression for months, I was always having dreams about dying and always negative scenarios and visions of certain situations. [it is much better these days but still happens from time to time].
I was put on antidepressants that did not make me feel well however helped as it was calming my focus and thoughts...
I had to make one of the hardest decisions in my life - leave the job and change my surroundings.
I have packed all my 12 years and moved out from the little town of Chard in Somerset to Cheltenham - the place of opportunities...
Luckily during my difficult time, I met someone who brightened up my life, and even though he had been fighting with a nervous breakdown we both managed to lift each other up!
It was hard work, talking, understanding each other, supporting and loving...
Fast forward [almost 4 years] and we are still together, continuing with mutual support :)
The moral of the story is;
If you suffer - talk
Change your surrounding
Depression does not require medication - it requires a big change in focus!
Love to all ❤️❤️❤️
M.
