10/12/2024
Yesterday, during our first staff meeting at Unity of The Blue Ridge since Hurricane Helene swept through our area and into our lives, Rev. Megan introduced a new word: "Guiltatude". It’s not a word you'll find in any dictionary, but it perfectly describes the strange, heavy feeling that has settled in my heart. Guiltatude - a mixed bag of gratitude and guilt - captures the complexity of emotions we’re all navigating as we try to piece things back together after the storm.
On one hand, I am filled with immense gratitude. My power is back. I now have clean, running water. My home is mostly intact, and I’m safe, surrounded by loved ones, friends, and a community that has weathered many storms, both literal and figurative, together. How can I not thank God for these blessings? In the midst of chaos, I am held in love.
And yet, there’s a persistent tug at my heart. It’s the awareness that not everyone is okay. While I sit in the warmth and safety of my home, many others are still suffering. Homes have been destroyed, families displaced, many still unaccounted for and lives disrupted in unimaginable ways. I’m grateful, but the gratitude feels incomplete when others are struggling. It’s not exactly guilt, but more an acute sense of inequity. It feels like holding two truths in tension: the thankfulness for what I now have, and the sorrow for what others have lost and are enduring.
This is where Guiltatude lives, in that uncomfortable space between joy and sorrow, between gratitude and a desire to do more. Could it be the middle way?
I think what Guiltatude reminds me is that it's human and divine to feel both. To feel blessed... and also deeply connected to the suffering and loss of others. The two don’t cancel each other out. I believe this feeling is really a call - an invitation to turn gratitude into daily action. To see where we can offer support, comfort, or presence to those who are still hurting. To keep our hearts tender and open. Not because we owe it, but because this is what gratitude generates within us - the desire to continually widen the circle of blessing, care and influence.
In truth, it's not an either/or situation. We can be deeply thankful for our blessings and still feel compassion for others’ pain. Maybe Guiltatude is a reminder that we’re all connected. And, in times of crisis, that connection feels more vivid, more real. And while we may not be able to solve all the problems or heal all the wounds, we can hold space for both gratitude and concern our my heart, trusting that this balancing act is a part of the human experience.
So today, I sit with this awareness - Guiltatude, not as something to resolve but as something to acknowledge and lean into. It is a sign that I am awake to the world, that I am alive to both the beauty and the suffering around me. And in that awareness, I continue to move forward with love and compassion... one step, one gesture, one prayer at a time.
With grace, gratitude and ache,
Rev. Darlene
