09/08/2026
From friend to friend ... helping my parents downsize taught me things I really didn’t expect.
I thought I understood downsizing. After all, I help people with it all the time.
But when it’s your own parents, it feels different.
Here are 5 truths I learned.
1. Their stuff is not your stuff.
I would look at something and think “Why are we keeping this?” To me, it was just an old chair or a box of things nobody used. To my parents, there were memories attached to it. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t my stuff to let go of.
2. Your timeline is not their timeline.
I wanted to keep things moving. Pick a room, go through it, make decisions and move on. That made sense to me. But my parents didn’t always work at my speed. Sometimes they needed to stop and come back to it later.
3. Being there matters more than I realized.
My parents are in Europe and I’m here in Canada, so I couldn’t be there for the whole process. And that made it harder. There is only so much you can do from far away. When I could be there in person, we could sit together, go through things and make decisions together. If you can be hands-on, and your parents want your help, be there.
4. The stories are part of the stuff.
A photo or souvenir can bring back a whole story. Let them tell the story. You may hear things about your parents and family you never knew.
5. Helping doesn’t mean doing it your way.
This was a big one for me. I had ideas about how things should be sorted, what should go first and how we could make the whole thing easier. But easier for me wasn’t always easier for them. I had to learn to help without taking over.
Going through this with my own parents changed how I look at downsizing.
From the outside, it looks like sorting stuff and moving to a smaller home.
When it’s your own family, you realize it’s so much more than that. Memories, stories, emotions.
Have you helped your parents through a move or downsizing? What did it teach you? Or are you about to go through this with your own parents?