17/03/2022
The time has come to summarise our season Armchair Reds, we honestly don’t know where to start. We renewed our Sky Sports, BT Sports and MUTV season tickets expecting to be rewarded with another historic treble, 2 trophies minimum, but instead we’ve been made to settle for a top 4 finish. Us loyal Armchair fanatics deserve so much better. We’re going to wait to see who we sign in the transfer window before deciding on whether to renew our season tickets, that’s for sure.
The Champions League defeat against Atlético Madrid had an air of inevitability about it. It was a second leg that even Heather Mills didn’t want, never mind us Armchair Reds. The only member of the squad and coaching set up to show any passion was Darren Fletcher, but in hindsight it was most probably him reacting to another one of his infamous haemorrhoid flare ups.
The final nail in the coffin was Marcus Rashfood’s crazy bust up with our fans this week. The geezers gone from offering out free school meals, to offering out supporters for a tear up. We just wish he showed the same fight on the pitch.
Can someone please tell us how on gods green earth the club thought offering Alf Rangnick the job was a good idea? The German Wealdstone Raider is one angry bloke, he’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup. We honestly can’t remember him smiling since he got the best job in world football. He sits in the dugout with the face of a man on his way to a pool party at Michael Barrymore’s gaff. Roll on the end of the season when he takes his dour facial expressions and tactical ineptitude elsewhere is all we can say.
The truly galling thing about this season’s debacle is that, on paper, we’ve comfortably got the best starting 11 in world football. It’s just a shame that, on grass, we’re bang average. How did it come to this?
We were asked recently whether we’d rather the Scousers or Citeh win the Prem and Champions League. We’d genuinely rather guide our father into our mother than answer such a depressing question. It’s like asking who you would rather babysit your kids, The Mccann’s or Jimmy Saville. We’ll maintain a dignified silence thank you very much rival fans.
We couldn’t finish our end of season review without mentioning our club captain, Harry Maguire. We’d call him a disappointment but we’re afraid he’d call us Daddy. He’s slower than a snails funeral procession and he’ll never convince us that his parents aren’t brother and sister. Oh and for the record, we don’t harbour this resentment towards him because he blocked us on Twitter, for saying if the Catholic Church has seen what we’d seen, they’d start promoting abortions. We just don’t rate him. Simples.
Apologies for the length of this end of season summary, but these are truly dark days for all those of an Armchair Red Persuasion. We’ve got no doubt whatsoever though, that next season will be the one where we can finally say we’ve got our Man United back. They won’t be laughing at us then.
With Richard Arnold taking over Chief Exec duties from Eddy Woodward, we look forward to seeing our rivals lick the transfer window this summer, whilst the Famous Man United usher in an abundance of world class stars, who will no doubt spearhead next year’s quadruple bid and lead us on yet another period of dominance.
Rant over.
Hated adored but never ignored, Man United not arrogant, just soon to be better. GGMU
