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Purple Sahara, Karu, Abuja (2026)

21/02/2018

FAMILY- THE FATHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP ON S*XUALITY.

Sometime ago, I stumbled on this picture on pinterest and I became grossly provoked in my spirit. This is supposed to be a daddy expressing his love for his daughter but it's definitely gone awry. Some may say this does not apply African men but all I can say is this applies to all men that love their daughters.

When is comes to raising daughters, the father-daughter relationship seeks to showcase a man of integrity and honesty, avoiding hypocrisy and admitting shortcomings as a father, so that she (the daughter) has a realistic and positive example of how to deal with the world with the opposit s*x in it. The father is the girl-child's first encounter with the opposite s*x. Therefore he should try to model a reflective approach to her questions about life with the opposite s*x in it. A positive father-daughter relationship can have a huge impact on a young girl's life and even determine whether or not she develops into a strong confident woman armed with proper information and with an understanding of men.

A father's influence in his daughter's life shapes her opinions of men.

"Daddy's approaches to lifes issues will serve as an example for his daughter to build on in her own relationships with men when the time comes, even if she chooses a different view of the world,"
As a girl continues to grow and her teen years become fraught with complicated issues, dads should continue to work on building a trusting instuctive, correctional, and examplary relationship with her to give her an affectionate and supportive backbone as she learns more about herself and what kind of person she wants to become and also the kind of man she should be with.

We now live in a culture where Dad is an equal partner in care giving. From day one, dads are encouraged to be hands-on, changing diapers, giving baths, putting baby to sleep and calming cries. That presence and effort is the beginning of a very important relationship, especially with his daughter, this is good, however It's imperative that, no matter what, dads MUST avoid the temptation to be PHYSICALLY REVEALED to their daughters no matter how much love they share, there must be an immensity of bodily secrecy.

"Dear Daddy...

The love for your daughter must NEVER lead you to unveil the interesting parts of your manly body to her even when she is still a toddler. Your presence as daddy is to help with confusing questions and situations about the opposite s*x not create the confusion."

Thank you sir"

This also means daddy knows his daughter needs to learn some things only it's without his jurisdiction to teach her.

The cord between a daughter and a father sometimes become very difficult to break and this happens usually when daddy doesn't discern the time to detach and allow his daughter to become a woman. Then she becomes daddy's girlfriend since her hormonal awareness begins to sense a constant male presence meddling in her very personal affairs.
During the season of puberty. Withdrawal of the dad during this challenging stage of growing up for the girl-child is very important.

However there must be a balance the father's imput is also required for his daughter, it's not a time to just dump it at her mum's feet.
The pesky "hormonal" years should not have dads shying away from their clingy or moody and sometimes standoffish daughter. However when there's a pr***en or teen girl in the house, "daddy's should focus on cultivating a team spirit in helping mum reach for their daughter." When with a teen in the house, parents must form a relationship of oneness so that their daughter can feel secure talking with them about what's going on in her life.
As a parents, the girl-child training at puberty is serious business and requires team work, which entails a lot of spiritual, emotional and physical effort, it's not a time to carelessly strewn endeavours all over the place.

LESSON

"Building a positive father-daughter relationship in a home tells your daughter a lot. It pans out her mindset while working with men, living with a man, and becoming a boss over men.
Becoming too close to your daughter at a particular age bracket may kindle an illicit desire for you in her heart. We all have heard heart rending stories about dads and daughters and they all emanate from somewhere. Everything in life has it's foundation, so at every point in time check for shaky or sick foundations and never be afraid or too complacent to break and reconstruct."

Daddy's please take note.

*xuality

18/08/2017

Parenting the Parent 101

Where is the Manual?
(The Million Dollar Question)

When parenting became a part of Marraige, why did the progenitors and founding fathers come up with an illustrative Manual or Brochure to make the Job easier and effortless to all?

I am guessing even they, did not have it all wrapped up like a gift box under a Christmas tree. Parenting is one wonderful examination that you write everyday and it takes a life time to know if you passed or failed as the case may be; that leaves me with the question... who chooses the questions you will answer?

Reminds me of those days at school where you are given 5 dangerous applied questions and the compensated with that sweet line of instruction.... "Question 1 is compulsory and answer any other 2 of your choice correctly." I remember how those instructions always cools the sting examination brings to your heart. I also remember how it feels if the so called compulsory "Question 1" looks like "the Mountain before Zerubabel," you first of all hiss and say stupid lecturer, see his head like cocoyam, he now decided to put this hard question as compulsory. (Laughing Hard) .
So the lecturer suddenly becomes stupid because you don't know that question. .

Parenting often feels like those examinations (I wish you get to choose some of the questions) but this time the instructions are different, and the lecturers are your children, yes your children, those wonderful souls running around your living room, those small people that finish all the bread in the fridge, oh those amazing sweeties that you often have to enter their rooms after bedtime to tuck them back in when they have thrown the duvet to the east and settled in the west; those powerful creatures that can collect the remote from daddy when Arsenal is playing a match and he has to beg to check the scores intermittently. (lol)

Surprising Indeed!

Your kids are the manual you must read to parent them. They parent you to parent them. Wow.

Their are no cast in concrete rules you need to figure out what works for whom you are dealing with especially when raising millenials.

Yes you get to hear loads of 'this works and that works' you also need to be careful to know what stage your child is approaching, and also be mindful of who you should be to your child as you both grow.

A great Man once said, when your child is still a child, you should be a parent as you manage them; when they are teenagers, you become their friends, and when they become adults you become a Coach to them.

So your take home question is: What stage are you on??

This instruction never left me and I have tried to ensure I fit into the character that I play per time. The job gets more cumbersome when you have successfully spaced your children while giving birth, God help you, if you have all 3 stages in your home. Get ready to go in and out of 3 different characters everyday. I remember my dad used to tell me that once your child has crossed teenagehood the Parenting job is pretty much over... I think of that statement standoffishly and I am begging to disagree now o. Sometimes we think our children are grown ups they don't need us anymore. Wrong. That's when you become a Coach...

Another question to ponder upon : Are you prepared?
-Because when you are called a Coach you need to have what it takes to be one.

It's parenting the Parent. It's all about the children showing daddy and mummy guidelines and what is required to train them and as such you try not to put square pegs in round holes, it's a handful of trying hard not to make mistakes and correcting the ones you made yesterday. It's a truck load of learning on the job and teaching as you learn, Seriously.

The parenting game has changed, why should it not, afterall the world we now live in has changed dramatically. Therefore we need to change the narrative. I tell you, try not to train your children the way you were trained. You may miss it sadly.

I used to love climbing trees to plug Mangoes at the age of 10 and that used to make my mum flog me dearly because I always came back home with either a torn top or skirt, or missing earrings or scrapped knees.

So my 10 year old waltzed into my bedroom some months ago and says" Mum and Dad I think I am in love with a boy in church".....

And I was hoping the bed would just swallow me... because I have seen a new abomination under the sun... 10 year olds now fall in love???
I thought the epiphany of training a millennial had just caught up with me alone, but when I looked at my husband's face, he looked like he had just seen a Ghost too. (Laughing really Hard).

PS: Just imagine it was my mum and dad that heard me say such a thing 30 years ago.... please don't ask what would have happened.... you already know.

NOTE: There are no Cast in Concrete Rules.. what works for Parent A, may not work for Parent B. So learn what works for each child, know what stage they are in and fit in carefully....with your Eyes, Ears and Heart wide open. Also keep an open mind, but not so opened so your brain doesnt fall off, because you do need it for proper thinking.

Watchout:
Parenting the Parent 102
How I handled a love struck 10 year old.

18/05/2017

A true life story...
THE S*X I WILL NEVER FORGET!
I can say that was the best s*x I have ever had. We did everything in foreplay and the actual s*x was not in this realm. Waves of or**sm swept over her body and my very self felt highly satisfied. As I stood up from her and was putting on my boxer, something strange happened that has never happened in all my s*xual adventure. Right there in the room, like in a trance, I saw an image like my self walked out of my body. I was so scared as the image bowed his head and was walking backward to the door. I screamed, I shouted, I was shivering seriously. My girlfriend stood up and was asking me what is wrong with me..She shouted that I should keep quiet, but, No! I kept shouting as I saw like myself walking away from me. To my surprise, I kept on telling my girl friend to look at this image and she said, she could not see anything. I became terrified. It was like I was in the oven, at the same time, it was as if I was in a cold room. I watched the image walked backward to the door & when it got to the door, it turned to go out of the door, as I watched the back of this image, I saw an inscription written on it ' EXCELLENT SPIRIT'. I screamed and shouted because, though I am not a serious Christian, but I know what it means to have an excellent spirit and to lose it. I have been leading the whole department in my school. Lecturers consult me privately to explain some hard topics. I was a genius. It is this brilliance and handsomeness that made me the desire of most ladies on campus. While I was crying and weeping bitterly, my girlfriend bursted into serious laugher. I was asking her why the laughter, and she said, you are Number 5. I will get the remaining 5 to make 10. I asked her to explain what she meant, she just laughed harder. She carried her bag and walked out of my room and said, 'enjoy your shadow'. Till today, I can't trace this lady. I have tried looking for her, I can't find her. Right from that day, I knew I became empty. I have the best result in my department, but no destiny results to show for it sir. I lost something that day, I knew I lost it. I have been praying and asking the Lord for restoration. Atimes, I feel like I am so empty. I wished that s*x never happened or never happened between me and that lady. I lost excellent spirit!
This was a confession of a guy to me some years ago. He wept bitterly in my office. I could not comfort him. He graduated as the best student in his department but if you see him at that time, you will never believe he went to school.
Dear precious one, there is something deep about s*x! I know some will read this and scorn it. You only know yourself, you don't know 2 out of 10 about the person you want to have that s*x with. Are there no thousands of people who have lost their own ' excellent spirit' too just because of 10 mins s*xual pleasure. Flee fornication! Flee adultery!. One round of s*x is enough to round off your glorious destiny. Enjoy s*x with your spouse only! Singles, wait! You won't die. Wait. Before you remove your pant for that guy /lady to commit fornication, think! Rule your desire or ruin your destiny.
Be warned! © Ebenezer Diyaolu

10/03/2017

MY LITTLE ALARM CLOCK
As an expectant mom with three children and keeping up with a short term project Internship with a slow nanny, very little fuel in my car, and a lot to prove, my life often feels like a four-ring circus each day when I wake up. I don’t mind the circus so much, but trying to be the ringmaster of all those rings all at once can make my head spin. (Even though it doesn't appear so)
One of those manic crazy-busy days, my bright four-year old daughter reminded me of one thing that could have taken the sting out of the rush into my day, and the slim income to show for it in the midst of a fiery furnace economic meltdown. Sadly that was the first thing eliminated from my to-do list.
I had left home by 6:30am in a rush to submit a finished project work that needed evaluation by my bosses scheduled for 8am that morning, trying to escape the ever entangling traffic build up during school runs with some shred of sanity. I sped to work, my mind frantically occupied with my presentation and the possible corrective critics popularly known as “stabbing” in my office slang book…. In all these, I can’t help but think of how long I would have to stand on my feet for the long reviews then to imagine the dull agonizing ache on my lower back thanks to the growing human living in me; truthfully no customer for this thing, even after Two pregnancies I still feel like a first timer….. “ Oluwa, na by force to be a working class mom?” I thought aloud. God dey; if I may ask, is it still a poor man’s prayer or everybody’s prayer these days?
As my day progressed don't let me bore you with all the details, my youngest daughter came wondering into the car when I got to the school for noon runs. I remember my mom accusing me of being “slower than Moses.” I was convinced Moses could move faster than my daughter even if he was on crutches. As she piled her backpack, her muddy shoes and cute herself into the backseat, I sighed, revved the engine, and said “Mommy’s in a hurry. Come on,” in a frustrated huff. I supposed it would have taken too much precious time to respond to her noon greetings before I started grumbling.
“You are always in a hurry mummy and you didn't even respond to my greetings,” she mumbled, looking out the window. I felt bad. But I still kept on rushing and huffing and sighing… How on earth could a four-year old understand that dinner has to be made, laundry has to be done, corrections have to be made on the supposed mind-blowing Presentation I thought I had aced, only to be shredded into a million pieces of templates, which need to be re-arranged and submitted by 8am again tomorrow? Not forgetting the homework reviews and correction piled up in several backpack waiting for Mommy to supervise, then the fuel gauge heading for the empty line, with the devastating fuel queues building up at the few available fuel-selling filling stations on the drive way home. Whew…. story for another day.
By ten that night I was finally able to get around to prepping my girls for bed—lucky them. I just knew that long after everyone had drifted into sleep I’d still be awake busily attending to details. I tucked them all in and prayed with them all and said goodnight. My four-year old stopped me in my rushed tracks as I flickered off the light switch. “Mommy, make sure you pray tomorrow morning so it will help you depend on God to do many things for you instead of rushing all the time,” she sleepily commanded. I was fixed at a spot at the sound of the instruction… and looked around her bed maybe someone wrote what she said on the walls. Wow how embarrassing, that such a little soul could tell all I needed to be on top of my game.
In my crazy task-and worry filled day, I hadn’t left room for the most important thing of all, and my daughter, as young as she was, had remembered something so much more vital than laundry and presentations and fuel stations and spelling lists-- Prayer.
God tells us to “be still.” I think he tells us this because he knows our lives are not still, and it takes some efforts on our part to consciously involve him. It isn’t always easy to set aside time to pray and commit our fast-paced lives to God. But being still and soaking up His provision of wisdom and guidance is worth every effort day in and out. But, thankfully, even if I forget to put Him first on my agenda, He always puts me on His and reminds me that His finger prints are everywhere even in the heart of my little alarm clock snoozing away in her bed.
Meanwhile I don born o, no longer expecting... lol

Big shout out to every career Mom I know… I don’t know how we do it, but you guys rock and roll….. HAPPY BELATED WOMEN’S DAY

Favorably Yours..... T.Ali

18/07/2015

Anger is a control freak!
Anybody can be angry that is easy; but to be angry for the right reason, and the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way... that is not within everybody's power and certainly not easy.
Anger is a solution like acid that can do more harm than good to anybody it is directed at. Have you noticed that it is easier to vent out your anger than to have it swallowed, this is because anger is weakness. Anger is a weak man's imitation of strength. Some of us think we have great personalities because we are good at expressing our anger in full throttle. Anger kills plans, distorts the mind and displaces you, tampers with relationships if not ruin them in the end. Some of us get angry easily some of us not so often some of us get angry when the time to be angry is passed, some of us are always angry with ourselves over things we dint do, things we forgot to do or things we should never have done some of us have people we are constantly angry at. All these depends on how matured we are and maturity is a by-product of how well we have our emotions under control. When someone annoys you constantly and you respond accordingly the time it means the person has absolute control over you. I once had a Nanny who had absolute control over me because she was good at annoying me, she was my boss for a long time and I did not know it. she could effortlessly tip me off with a simple sentence. I was enslaved till I woke up one day and decided to rise above.
The more you grow up the less you blow up.
It is confirmed scientifically that the mind has no ability to think when angry except with a conscious effort, which will require strength of character to achieve.

Note: The wind of anger blows out the flame of intelligence. Speak when angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. When anger sets in wisdom departs.

01/07/2015

Why Love and not Relationship?
Why do we use love as a yardstick all the time? In marriage its love, in courtship its love. etc
Love is highly placed, but love is rather expensive. Its another topic on its own; the expense of love. Can we actually do what love requires of us?
Relationship on the other hand is defined as a connection, an association, or involvement of two persons either by blood or marriage or an emotional connection between two people.
Love is good, so great if you ask me. It is that gooey feeling, when that guy you've always noticed and admired walks up to you and tells you he'll like to spend more time with you and instantly a butterfly begins to dance in your tommy, and if the guy works in world bank and drives a Honda 2013, if he is tall and gives you 70% of his time ,listens to you and makes everything that concerns you his priority, yet he makes good of his words to care for you and spend time with you. Its easy to fall in love with such a guy and call it love, he is on point. but that's not enough.
What sustains love? Relationships sustain love. You can love everyone but you cannot have a relationship with everyone, neither can you just marry anyone without having a relationship with the person it may just end up in a disaster.
I remember when I met my husband, it was love at first sight indeed, we both were done with school, he was working already while I was serving, everything seem to be under control- he had his own place and within a short while he proposed to me in the month of January and wanted us married in the month of June of that same year and boom we were set. But when I took him home to meet my parents we got a shocking response. My parents insisted we should allow the relationship more time because love is never enough, they encouraged us to quarrel and make up, argue, agree and disagree and then come back after a year, Daddy said if you still love each other and still want to get married then you will have our blessings and support. We did go back and try to actually have a relationship, that year my husband and I worked so hard to make it work as we struggled through that whole year because we discovered a lot about each other as we waited to get married. It was a knowledgeable wait. Then we decide to invest more time in our relationship than our love.

Loving someone is a choice while having a relationship with someone is a chore. If the woman or man you choose has a foul mouth odor? accepting him or her is love while helping the person get rid of it is relationship.

So which is more profitable. Love or Relationship?

Coming up in the weekend Love or Relationship 2

20/10/2014

Hi folks, how's the new week? I read this somewhere and I thought everyone should catch a glimpes of it. Enjoy reading.

Vanity vs. Charity

A smile flitted across my face as I read your mail. The conundrum you’re facing is what I call the Vanity-Charity syndrome: do you date your vanity or date love? Or as you put it, there’s this medical doctor… and there’s this other girl who’s not a medical doctor. Who should you date? And while some will scoff at your question, the truth is, it’s an issue young men are often confronted with.There are many variants: Do you marry rich Dupe who’s well established, or do you marry Charity? Do you marry Helen the beautiful singer… or do you marry Charity? Do you, an entrepreneur, marry Tayo whose father is chairman of a PLC… or do you marry Charity? Or, do you marry Janet the Harvard graduate, or do you marry Charity?For a woman, it may be: Do I marry Chuks the rich guy... or do I marry most loving John? Or do I marry Davido music star… or do I marry devoted and loving John? Choice is not always easy. It can get complicated with things like lust, desire, ambition and vanity. Many times emotions, ambition and vanity make up our minds for us, not reason. Economists tell us man is not rational. He would rather not make losses than make gains. Clearly to you, boasting you married a medical doctor is a big deal… In the same way that marrying a university graduate can be a big deal for a man denied formal education in life. Social recognition means a lot to men. It’s why we boast about cars… and how beautiful our wives and girlfriends are. It’s why a men’s club is one of the most carpeted environments. Everyone drops names on the floor. And it’s what drives men to buy what they can’t afford… Just to impress the world. You require a lot of ego discipline not to fall into the trap of manhood. Ego is man’s nativism. Men peacock.But let’s reason together on the qualifications of a wife. I am not sure the ability to dissect a cadaver is qualification for wife. Neither is the ability to diagnose flu or malaria a qualification for wife. As much as you like the idea of a doctor wearing a stethoscope, lets be honest she won’t wear one at home. The idea of a s*xy skimpy nurse or doctor must remain in the fantasy world of Anne Summers. I can imagine you introducing this young woman in your fantasy… Meet my wife, Dr. Bisi. Medical doctor, LUTH… But fantasies don’t auto-transpose into matrimonial bliss.The ability to treat a patient is different from the ability to treat a man right or well at home. The qualifications for medical doctor are not the qualifications for wife. A doctor wife is not the same as wife doctor. That she’s a fantastic singer in the choir doesn’t mean you will sing the same tune at home. You don’t marry a doctor, or choir member… You marry a wife who happens to be a doctor or singer. This differentiation is critical or you’ll make a major mistake in life. People often mistake qualifications out of context and so arrive at wrong matrimonial decisions. That she’s a good pediatric doctor doesn’t mean she’ll be a good mother.Don’t marry your vanity, marry charity. If you’re sick would this person take care of you? If you’re in trouble would she be your friend and stick by you? If you come home would you have peace? If you feel lonely would she comfort you? If you need a confidant, can you trust her? If you’re feeling sad, does the thought of her bring you joy? When life has dealt you a blow do you feel she’s your compensation in this world? These are the kind of questions you ought to be asking yourself. And as you can see the questions have nothing to do with stethoscope, or acetamenophen or novocaine… If like you say in Nigeria she’s “wife material” and ALSO a good medical doctor, great! Then you have vanity and charity. But if she’s a good medical doctor but not “wife material” there’s k-leg.But the primary things in a matrimonial quest are the matrimonial capacities of one’s intended. Trust me, if she’s under-capacitated as a wife when the troubles begin you won’t remember her stethoscope! It’s like the beauty/wife conundrum. If she’s beautiful but nasty you’ll come to a fast realization of one of Solomon’s deductions: Beauty is vain.The things that are important in a marriage are love, peace and happiness. If she won’t give you love, peace or happiness what’s the point of marriage! Does she love me should be a very important question in the consideration of marriage. I know there are theories we can marry ANYBODY but commonsense should tell us not to stake our future on this pedestal. Love is important in a marriage. Very important. Very, very important. Very, very, very, important. All the things we want, love will do as a matter of course. And really, what is marriage without love?So I ask like the average Nigerian young man, “Is she wife material” or she’s just a medical doctor? The decision as always is yours, afterall, you’re going to live with her… For a very, very, long time.

Referencing Jack and Jill live

16/10/2014

One is a Whole Number!
Bisola is a pretty girl, well known for her academic achievements and quiet popular haven won the evergreen lady on campus thrice. The evergreen lady is a recognition given to ladies that have kept their slates clean from s*xual scandals on campus. She's fun to be with, realistic and down to earth; just any young man's dream. Bisola graduated from Law school and served at age 23 but without a wedding ring, an engagement ring or a steady relationship.
That was when the questions and comments began to roll in;
"When are we buying your asoebi?"
"Why are you waiting so long to get married?"
"Why hasn't someone snatched you up yet?"
"You are not getting any younger you know."
"Maybe it's time you stop looking for Mr. Perfect and settle for Mr. Good Enough."
"I know a lot of people think I’m the problem that's why I am single. But I don't want to get married because someone thinks I should. I want it to be because of the right reasons.” Bisola said to herself.
Ok... I hope I don't get beaten after this write up since I am married. People are going to say it's easy to talk about this because I am not a 40 year old single. Yes I do understand that it's not so easy to be single and searching and the search seem endless. But I don't think that's all about being single. Singleness does not demean you. It's just a state, it could be temporary and it could also be permanent. Well I think the state of being single you're in, is a function of your choice or circumstance. You can choose to be single, for several reasons. Maybe one decides to go celibate. You can be single, probably because the right kind of person hasn't come along or maybe the loss of a spouse or divorce.
But we need to come to the understanding that Singleness is not bad, and people around single folks should just give them a break. They are struggling with so much already. Keep your comments to yourself and pray for them. It may baffle you that most married people wished they had stayed single a little longer before getting hitched. Singleness encourages simplicity. Singleness allows depth of character and personality. Be informed that 80% of marriages break up due to poor character and personality development; we have loads of over grown baby elephants (Immature grownups) in marriages today, so be wise enough to spend time building yourself up before you lunch into the deep because only the deep can access the depth of marriage. Singleness facilitates the development of deep friendships without an awkward string attached. Like Mary Magdalene and Jesus; a Great relationship of reverence. Single people fulfil purpose even without Marriage. Jesus Christ never got married, neither did Paul the Apostle nor John the Baptist and they all fulfilled the essence of their existence.
In mathematics anything divided by itself is 1. In Marriage 2 must become 1 to make it work. It takes 2 to make a marriage but it takes 1 to mar it. In quarrels, if 1 will not 2 can never.
So folks, 1 indeed a whole number.
Much love to the single folks.... Una de alright!
Keep Smiling... T. Ali

Purple Sahara

21/02/2018

18/08/2017

18/05/2017

10/03/2017

18/07/2015

01/07/2015

20/10/2014

16/10/2014

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