11/10/2026
DATING FOR DATA: 7 THINGS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO BEFORE COMMITTING TO A RELATIONSHIP
Queen Dosages 👑
Dating should be intentional, especially when your desire is to build a relationship that leads to marriage.
If you are wise, you should date for data. In other words, you should use the dating process to learn about a person rather than simply throwing yourself into a relationship because of attraction, emotions, or physical chemistry.
This is what I call intentional dating.
Many people date instinctively rather than thoughtfully. They allow their emotions, physical attraction, and desire for companionship to influence their decisions without engaging their minds or exercising spiritual discernment.
When you date intentionally, you take the time to observe, ask questions, listen, and pay attention to what lies beneath the surface. You begin to discover things about a person's character, values, mindset, and intentions that may not be immediately obvious.
You must also learn to be honest and live in your truth. When you embrace your authentic self, you give yourself a better chance of attracting someone who is genuinely compatible with you.
Remember, if you have to pretend to be someone else to make a person interested in you, you will eventually have to keep pretending to maintain that interest. The reality is that no one can act 24/7.
So, before you commit, date for data, not just for feelings.
Here are seven things you should pay attention to:
1. START WITH FRIENDLY INTERROGATION.
You cannot date for data if you are unwilling to ask questions.
Friendly questioning is not about being aggressive, confrontational, or making the other person feel as though they are being interviewed for a job. It is about creating room for honest conversations that help you understand one another.
How do you learn about the heart of a person? Through questions and answers.
Matthew 12:34–35 reminds us that the mouth speaks from the abundance of the heart. A person's words can reveal their values, beliefs, priorities, and the way they think.
Ask questions. Listen carefully. Pay attention to how they respond.
A person who shows no curiosity about you may not be genuinely interested in knowing you. Likewise, someone who consistently avoids reasonable questions or refuses to communicate openly may be demonstrating a lack of transparency.
The goal is not to interrogate someone into revealing everything. It is to establish honest communication from the beginning.
Scripture: Amos 3:3; Matthew 12:34–35.
2. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR INTUITION AND EXERCISE SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT.
Never ignore persistent uneasiness simply because a person looks good on paper.
They may have the right income, appearance, education, communication skills, and social status, yet something about the relationship may still leave you uncomfortable.
Take the time to examine that feeling rather than dismissing it because of attraction.
Your emotions can influence your judgment, and physical chemistry can make you overlook things that deserve your attention. This is why spiritual discernment, prayer, wisdom, and careful observation are important in the dating process.
However, discernment should go hand in hand with evidence and sound judgment. Not every uncomfortable feeling proves that someone has bad intentions, but persistent concerns should not be ignored either.
Do not allow attraction to silence your discernment.
Scripture: 1 John 2:20.
3. LOOK FOR COMPARABLE INTELLIGENCE.
You should desire a person with whom you can connect intellectually and engage in meaningful conversations.
When I speak of comparable intelligence, I am not referring to educational qualifications alone. I am referring to the ability to think critically, exchange ideas, ask thoughtful questions, understand different perspectives, and contribute meaningfully to conversations.
Can you talk for hours and still find the conversation stimulating? Does this person challenge you to think more deeply? Can you learn from each other?
A healthy relationship should provide opportunities for mutual growth. Both partners should be willing to learn, improve, and sharpen one another.
As Proverbs 27:17 says, iron sharpens iron. You should seek a relationship in which both of you contribute to each other's growth rather than one person constantly feeling intellectually disconnected or emotionally diminished.
You do not need to think alike about everything, but you should be able to respect each other's minds and engage in meaningful dialogue.
Scripture: Proverbs 27:17.
4. LOOK FOR MUTUAL INTEREST.
You need to discern whether the other person is as interested in you as you are in them.
Never invest all your time, energy, and emotions in someone who consistently gives you little or nothing in return.
Mutual interest should be reflected in communication, effort, consistency, and a genuine desire to spend time together.
If a man slows down to a snail's pace, a woman should not keep running at full speed to sustain the connection.
Allow the other person's actions to reveal their level of interest. Do not spend your time trying to convince someone to choose you.
You deserve a relationship in which interest, effort, and intentionality are reciprocated.
5. ASK YOURSELF: DOES THIS PERSON INSPIRE ME TO BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF MYSELF?
Pay attention to how the person influences your growth, character, faith, purpose, and overall outlook on life.
Does this person encourage you to pursue your goals? Do they support your commitment to God and your personal development? Do they challenge you to become better while also appreciating who you are?
Hebrews 10:24 encourages us to consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds.
The people you allow into your life should encourage positive growth. This applies to friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships.
A healthy relationship should not require you to abandon your values, diminish your potential, or neglect your purpose.
The right relationship should create room for both people to grow, thrive, and become better versions of themselves.
Scripture: Hebrews 10:24.
6. MAKE SURE THEY PASS A CLEAN INSPECTION.
What do I mean by a clean inspection?
I mean that you should exercise wisdom and conduct appropriate due diligence before making a serious commitment.
Too many people wait until they are deeply emotionally invested, sexually involved, living together, or even married before they begin investigating concerns that could have been addressed much earlier.
Do not rely solely on what someone says about themselves. Observe their actions, examine their consistency, and verify important information when appropriate.
Pay attention to their character, relationship history where relevant, values, lifestyle, and how they treat other people.
Trust is important, but trust should not mean ignoring evidence or refusing to ask reasonable questions.
Do your research respectfully, protect your boundaries, and allow time for a person's character to become evident.
Remember, the purpose is not to invade someone's privacy or manufacture suspicion. It is to make an informed decision about the person with whom you may be building a future.
Trust should be accompanied by wisdom, discernment, and accountability.
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 4:2–3.
7. SEEK CLARITY ABOUT THEIR INTENTIONS.
As the relationship progresses, you should be able to understand what the other person wants.
If someone continues asking you out after your first few dates, it is reasonable to seek clarity about their intentions rather than relying on assumptions.
Are they genuinely interested in getting to know you for a serious relationship? Are they dating with marriage in mind? Are you both interested in pursuing exclusivity?
These conversations do not have to happen aggressively or according to a rigid timetable. However, they should happen as the connection develops and before you make commitments based on assumptions.
Matthew 5:37 teaches the importance of letting your “Yes” be yes and your “No” be no.
Pay attention to whether the person's words and actions align. Someone who consistently avoids honest conversations about the direction of the relationship may not be ready or willing to offer the clarity you need.
Confusion should not become the foundation of your relationship.
You should not have to spend months guessing where you stand with someone who claims to be serious about you.
Scripture: Matthew 5:37.
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QUEEN DOSAGES: A FINAL WORD TO THE QUEENS 👑
Dear Queen, dating is not merely about finding someone you are attracted to. It is about learning whether the person you are considering is compatible with your values, character, faith, vision, and desire for marriage.
Do not allow loneliness to rush you. Do not allow physical attraction to blind you. Do not allow emotions to silence your questions. And do not allow the fear of losing someone to make you ignore what you are learning about them.
Ask questions. Exercise discernment. Observe their character. Look for mutual interest. Verify what matters. Seek clarity.
Most importantly, invite God into the process and give yourself the time and wisdom to make an informed decision.
Date intentionally. Gather the data. Discern wisely. Choose purposefully.
Because the goal is not simply to be in a relationship. The goal is to build a healthy, God-honouring relationship with someone with whom you can pursue a meaningful future.
