08/25/2026
Repost from Caroline Strawson | Nervous System & Trauma Specialist
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Domestic Abuse isn’t just what you can see and I never knew this when I was in my marriage to my ex because I hadn’t learnt that abuse wasn’t just physical!!! I had no visible bruises so I thought it was just a “tough” relationship!!
But it’s the words that chip away at your confidence, the control that makes you second-guess yourself, the fear that lingers even when they’re not in the room.
Smear campaigns are abuse when they rewrite history to make themselves the victim and paint you as the villain. When they make people doubt you, when you’re left picking up the pieces of your own reputation while they stand back and watch.
They twist the narrative, making you seem unstable, difficult, unfit. They play the long game, undermining you at every turn while keeping their hands clean. Saying you have mental health issues (I mean who wouldn’t experiencing abuse but it’s the consequence NOT the symptom.)The legal system becomes another weapon, draining you emotionally and financially while they pretend to be the perfect parent.
And then there’s the doubt. The shame. The guilt. You wonder if you imagined it and if it was really that bad and if you were the problem. And if you stayed, it wasn’t because you were weak. It wasn’t because you didn’t try hard enough and it wasn’t because you’re broken or flawed or incapable. It was because, in that moment, your nervous system decided that staying was safer than leaving and sometimes, it actually was.
Trauma responses are not choices, they are survival mechanisms.
And yet, people judge. “Why didn’t you just leave?” Your experience is real and your feelings are valid and your healing is not up for debate. Survivors don’t need to be fixed and just because you didn’t witness it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and many survivors do not even realise they’ve experienced domestic abuse until they’ve left when there are no visible bruises.
Let’s stop the victim blaming and criticising people for how they survived what they never should have had to endure in the first place.
And if you’ve been affected by abuse, you are not alone.