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06/25/2026

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12/25/2025

11/26/2025

Every Thanksgiving, it’s the same instructions for everyone in the family. Be nice. Even the family members that you don’t agree with.

But while sitting around the table, Uncle Roy couldn’t stand it any longer. "I'm telling you the problem is simple, leadership has been WEAK for four straight years. The entire structure is flawed from the top down, and someone needs to be held accountable!" Aunt Shirley, fired back, “Are you kidding me? They’ve had EVERY advantage and still choke when it matters!” Our defense is soft, and our enemy has been exploiting it for years!" Cousin Scottie, chimed in, “It doesn’t matter, the system is rigged against them.”

The room went silent. It felt like the fate of the nation was being decided right at the table. Everyone yelling at once, veins popping, sweet potatoes flying… then, my cousin whispered, "We are talking about the game this weekend, aren’t we?"

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! May your only debates only be about sports.

11/20/2025

Zzzzzzzz… not a lot of great games this weekend. It’s basically a Saturday full of blowouts.

It might be a good time to get your honey-do list or early Christmas shopping done, because the only real suspense in most of these matchups is whether the scoreboard operator’s finger cramps up. It’s basically about the upper tier teams taking on schools whose primary goal is just to get back on the bus with their paycheck, all their limbs and a little dignity. If your team is in one of these matchups, congratulations, you will be celebrating by halftime and doom scrolling on your phone by the third quarter.

The good news? Next week’s slate will feel AMAZING by comparison. But this weekend is just cardio for the elite teams and character-building for everyone else. Until then, enjoy your football weekend.

11/14/2025

BREAKING: Auburn Hires Nation’s First AI Head Coach After Running Out of Humans to Fire

AUBURN, AL — In a bold move that shocked absolutely no one familiar with Auburn’s coaching history, the university has officially hired an artificial intelligence program named “Coach AUT” as its next head football coach.

Athletic Director John Cohen called the decision “the logical next step” after firing three human coaches in four years and nearly hiring a man who once sold insurance. “We were looking for a coach who doesn’t sleep, doesn’t tweet, and doesn’t mind being second-guessed by 400,000 fans after every play,” Cohen explained. “ Coach checked all those boxes.”

The coach reportedly passed its first test by immediately saying, “Yes, sir, Mr. Yella Wood, whatever you want,” during orientation. And it immediately won over fans by promising to “run the dang ball” and “never lose to Alabama. And when asked about its coaching philosophy, Coach AUT replied, “War Eagle, baby!

Coach AUT made national headlines by offering scholarships to every 5-star recruit in the country, sending out 2,700 offers within the first hour of activation, although it did accidentally offer scholarships to three vending machines and a Roomba . Followed up by a text to recruits reading, “Wanna change the game? Type ‘War Eagle’ to 00:01.”

Have a great football weekend.

11/07/2025

Not a lot of big games this weekend, but here are some games worth watching.

Have a great football weekend.

10/23/2025

War Eagle!

“Hot Seat”? Nah, College Football Coaches Go Straight to the Launch Pad

Once upon a time, college football coaches who struggled were said to be “on the hot seat.” That’s adorable. In 2025, there is no “hot seat.” There’s just a trapdoor with boosters and athletic directors hovering over the button. Rebuilding used to be a process but now it’s a crime of impatience. Coaches barely unpack their moving boxes before hearing rumors of their replacements. Assistant coaches now renting apartments by the month just to be safe.

Gone are the days of quiet backroom firings. Now, every coach’s fate is decided by Twitter (sorry, “X”). One bad Saturday and the fanbase starts trending hashtag . There’s probably a graduate assistant somewhere whose job title is literally “Social Media Analyst.”

At this point, being fired might be the best job in America. You get tens of millions of dollars not to work.

Not a bad life:
Take over a struggling program.
Pretend to build “culture.”
Go 7–5.
Collect millions and go to the beach

Forget “Win the Day.” Forget “Trust the Process.” College football’s new slogan is: “If you’re not winning, you’re wire-transferring.”

It’s basically early retirement sponsored by ESPN.

Have a great football weekend.

10/23/2025

This season features some truly unique and memorable player names that often land them on the "All-Name Team." Here are some of the most unusual names popping up on rosters:

Dude Person (DB, Central Arkansas) – If he is not a surfer, he should give up his name.
Legend Journey (DL, Cal) – He has a great history in football.
Memorable Factor (LB, Duke) – At Duke? Maybe at Oklahoma or Penn St
King Large (OL, SMU) - He is a large offensive lineman, so the name fits.
Da'Realyst Clark (WR, Kent State) – Better that his brother Da’Fakest
Moh Bility (DB, Rice) - A perfect name for a defensive back.
General B***y (QB) - Previously at ULM, he's a famous name in the college football world (His full name is reportedly General Maximus Axel B***y).
Demon Clowney (DE, South Carolina) - Cousin of NFL star Jadeveon Clowney, a very intimidating name.
Squirrel White (WR, Florida State) - A well-known nickname turned football name, suggesting speed.
Panda Askew (OL, East Carolina) Again, a great offensive lineman name.
Rocky Beers (TE, Colorado State) – Surely there is a good story behind this.
Hannes Hammer (OL, Virginia Tech) - A great name for an offensive lineman. If he does not have long blond hair, he should.
Nitro Tuggle (WR, Purdue) – If football does not work out for him, WWE should be in his future.
Godspower Nwawuihe (QB, Army) – Everyone in the Army will want him in their platoon.
Tommy Running Rabbit (RB, Montana) – Meant to be a running back.

Have a great football weekend.

10/16/2025

“Hot Seat”? Nah, College Football Coaches Go Straight to the Launch Pad

Once upon a time, college football coaches who struggled were said to be “on the hot seat.” That’s adorable. In 2025, there is no “hot seat.” There’s just a trapdoor with boosters and athletic directors hovering over the button. Rebuilding used to be a process but now it’s a crime of impatience. Coaches barely unpack their moving boxes before hearing rumors of their replacements. Assistant coaches now renting apartments by the month just to be safe.

Gone are the days of quiet backroom firings. Now, every coach’s fate is decided by Twitter (sorry, “X”). One bad Saturday and the fanbase starts trending hashtag . There’s probably a graduate assistant somewhere whose job title is literally “Social Media Analyst.”

At this point, being fired might be the best job in America. You get tens of millions of dollars not to work.

Not a bad life:
Take over a struggling program.
Pretend to build “culture.”
Go 7–5.
Collect millions and go to the beach

Forget “Win the Day.” Forget “Trust the Process.” College football’s new slogan is: “If you’re not winning, you’re wire-transferring.”

It’s basically early retirement sponsored by ESPN.

Have a great football weekend.

10/09/2025

After last week’s Louisville vs Pittsburgh game, where a ball boy got caught in a sideline, schools across the country are re-evaluating how to pick their ball boys.

It will no longer enough to just “hand the ball to the ref.” Now, the new qualifications include:

- Bench press of at least 225 (for goal-line scrums)
- Basic MMA or conflict-resolution training
- Ability to sprint 40 yards without making eye contact with a linebacker
-NIL deal potential — because some of these kids are putting in more work than the special team’s unit

Word is, several SEC programs are already offering official visits to 5-star ball boy recruits, and Auburn just opened a new Ball Management Facility with its own nutrition staff.

We will be looking forward to seeing ESPN’s “Ball Boy Rankings: Class of 2026.”

Enjoy your football weekend