07/25/2023
$1125 / 1br - The Most Awesome Apartment Listing of All Time
(583 W. Delavan)
Do you want to be homeless, or live in a crap place far from everything?
Do you want to live in the loudest house ever, wishing the drummer upstairs would drum in time with the screaming couple downstairs? NO!
Well then, I have the perfect place for you.....
The location is second to none, you got Elmwood Village right here.... outside your door.
You can take a short drive to anywhere you work and once your home, walk to any of dozens of Restaurants, Art Galleries, Free Concerts, Open air Markets, Bars and Cafes.
This place has walls and a roof to keep out the rain, wind and snow....
This place has a kitchen with a fridge, and gas stove.......did I mention this is a new kitchen and big
You like to sleep at night? Well no bunk beds needed in this place..... you get, yes a nice bedrooms all fresh painted:
But wait there is more.......
A fantastic living room
This place has doors to keep some people out and let others in and windows so you can see the poor suckers that don't live in your excellent pad.
Tired of paying bills? OK I'll fix that too.......
Your one rent check per month will get you:
FREE water to wash, drink, and clean with ( both hot & cold)
FREE electricity to charge your devices, light up the apartment, and entertain you
FREE heat, yeah that's right this apartment is kept nice and cozy for you all fall, winter and spring at no extra charge.....
Do you wash your pants, shirt, dress, skirt? Well we got that included too with washers and dryers FREE on premises....
You drive cars?
You can park in your own reserved spots! For FREE....
Do you like heated private swimming pools and sand volleyball courts?
Sorry we do NOT have that!
We got some rules to keep everyone happy and comfortable:
no pets
no smoking
no idiots
but if you are a nice person, or a couple of professionals or that kind of thing, apply today because this kick ass place will go quickly.
