10/01/2026
THE TRANSACTION THAT ALMOST TOOK ME OUT 💀
It started with 5 DAYS just to schedule a showing. 👏🏻 Just to schedule it 👏🏻
Then 4 DAYS of negotiating an offer only to discover….SURPRISE….the person we’d been dealing with (listing agent and attorney) wasn’t actually the person who needed to receive the offer. Because that’s normal….
We finally get under contract. 🎉
Fast forward to the walkthrough…
🐕 Five very large dogs greeted us like we had broken into THEIR house.
📦 The seller, who was “absolutely ready to move”, had packed approximately zero boxes.
💬 He was also extremely talkative, which is wonderful except we were on a TIME SCHEDULE and I was internally screaming, “SIR. PLEASE PUT SOMETHING IN A BOX.”
Then we make it to closing day….
Except the seller apparently decided that morning that closing was more of a suggestion….so we round up a crew to help him pack up….because that’s what we do: Problem solve!
BUT….Suddenly he wasn’t moving unless he got a certain amount of money….disclosed only to the person on the other side of the transaction. But the contract is signed, sealed, delivered…
So now I’m negotiating AGAIN, talking to title, talking to everyone involved, trying to figure out who is actually in charge of what, delaying closing, and questioning every career choice I’ve ever made….
And THEN…
While we’re outside dealing with all of this, a tiny child with absolutely ZERO concept of personal space comes charging across the yard at FULL SPEED…
…and TRICERATOPS my client directly in the stomach. 🦖💀
Just head DOWN.
Full send.
My client got absolutely BODY CHECKED by a preschooler while trying to buy a house.
At that point I’m pretty sure all of us just accepted that this transaction was cursed.
BUT…
After 5 days to get a showing…
4 days to get the offer where it actually needed to go…
5 guard dogs…
0 packed boxes…
1 extremely committed conversationalist…
approximately 47 phone calls a day for two weeks…
a surprise ransom negotiation…
a delayed closing…
and one kid-induced abdominal injury…
WE. 👏 FREAKING. 👏 CLOSED. 👏
Some Realtors hand you the keys.
Some Realtors negotiate contracts.
And apparently some of us es**rt you through a real estate-themed escape room where the final boss is a small child running headfirst at your abdomen.
Anyway…
Congratulations to my buyers. 😂🏡❤️
We survived.