07/10/2026
About a month ago, I started meditating. It started with going to a class that actually taught me about meditation and then doing my first 25 minutes of silent meditation, thinking, "How the hell am I ever going to get through 25 minutes of silence?" However, I found myself sitting in that silence and craving more of it.
The last four or five times I've meditated, I've had the same kind of experience. I haven't been able to completely shut my brain off, but where my brain goes is somewhere very interesting. It goes and sits with my future self. It sits with the woman who has been through the fire and is sitting on the roof watching it all happen. Whenever I ask her what we're supposed to do or where our future is, she never tells me the answer, but she always reminds me that every decision and every choice I make is a commitment to my future. In order to reach the highest and best version of ourselves, I have to make the decisions that are in line with that. I have to make the decisions that are in line with my values, my morality, and my healing.
Sometimes it's not just my future self who comes and sits with me. Sometimes it's every version of my past self who's also gotten here:
- Five-year-old Connie, who spent some moments of her childhood scared and clinging to whoever would show her love
- Teenage Connie, who was angry and looking for love and attention in all the wrong places
- Connie in her twenties, who spent most of her time drinking her pain away
- Connie in her thirties, who made the brave decision to detonate a 💣 on her entire life and go chase the version of herself she knew she was worthy of being.
Now every day I consciously have to make decisions to honor the hard work that those women went through to get me here.
healing isn’t easy. It isn’t linear and there’s no playbook, but you owe it to yourself to try.
Do it for who you are today, who you want to be tomorrow and most importantly, all the versions of you who got you here.
🤍
