05/27/2025
As a Realtor, it breaks my heart when a client is ready to buy a home—they're financially stable, emotionally prepared—but they can’t qualify for a loan. Why? Because their partner or spouse quietly wrecked their credit score.
Maybe they opened credit cards in their name without telling them. Maybe they drained joint accounts, missed payments, or racked up debt on shared cards. However it happens, the end result is the same: the victim is left with ruined credit, emotional scars, and often no idea how to fix it.
This isn’t just a financial problem. It’s a form of domestic abuse, and it’s more common than you realize.
Debt abuse happens when one partner uses money or credit to control, manipulate, or harm the other. This might include:
*Opening credit cards or loans in your name without permission
*Running up shared debts and refusing to pay
*Forcing you to co-sign loans or take financial risks
*Hiding accounts or assets
*Ruining your credit as a form of punishment or sabotage
According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, 99% of domestic abuse cases involve financial abuse in some form. It’s one of the biggest reasons survivors stay trapped—they simply don’t have the credit or resources to leave.
So, what are your options if it's happening to you?
1. Check your credit reports at all three bureaus (Experian, TransUnion, Equifax). You can get a free report from each once a year at www.annualcreditreport.com.
2. Dispute fraudulent or unauthorized accounts. It takes time, but it can be done.
3. Freeze your credit if necessary, so no one (including a current or former partner) can open new accounts in your name.
4. Reach out to a housing counselor or financial abuse advocate. Many nonprofit organizations can help you repair your credit and regain control.
We never expect things to go south. But the truth is, not all relationships last, and even good people can make bad choices. Here are a few things you can do to protect yourself:
*Keep at least one credit card in your name only and pay it off monthly.
*Check your credit reports every 6–12 months, just to be safe.
**Avoid co-signing unless absolutely necessary.
If you're merging finances, talk openly about money values and boundaries.
If you find yourself in this situation, here are a some local and national links and resources that may help:
The Julian Center: Offers comprehensive services for survivors of domestic and sexual violence, including emergency shelter, legal advocacy, and counseling. Visit their website or call (317) 941-2200.
Beacon of Hope Crisis Center: Provides crisis intervention, advocacy, and support services to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Learn more here or call their crisis line at (317) 731-6140.
Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ICADV): A statewide alliance of domestic violence programs providing resources and support. Find more information or call (317) 917-3685.
Consumer Credit Counseling Service: Offers free credit counseling and debt management plans to help individuals regain financial stability. Located at 615 North Alabama Street, Room 134, Indianapolis, IN 46204. Visit their website or call (317) 266-1300.
InCreditable Advisors: Provides professional credit repair and consulting services to help rebuild your credit. Learn more or call (317) 202-1297.
https://nnedv.org – National Network to End Domestic Violence
https://annualcreditreport.com – Free credit reports
https://creditbuildersalliance.org – Rebuilding credit after hardship
https://consumerfinance.gov – CFPB resources on financial protection
If you’ve been impacted by debt abuse and still dream of owning a home, please don’t give up. It might take some time, but you can rebuild. Just make sure you’re working with a Realtor who understands the emotional and financial toll—and has the patience and know-how to guide you through it.
I'm here if you need a resource, a plan, or just someone who gets it.
❤️
—Deb Kent
Realtor. Advocate. Human being.
