11/12/2025
⚠️ UPSTATE SC, CAUTION ⚠️
In regards to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, and for those just wanting to come to visit:
Before you come to the Upstate of SC you must be aware and understand what exactly is happening here. Especially around the rural areas. There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...
So, if you plan on moving here, or just plan on visiting, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants, and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.
Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos along with huge bald eagles that are known to sn**ch small children and animals.
Appalachian panthers have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children. Snakes... don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.
The poison ivy, sumac, and poison oak have overtaken all other vegetation. In addition to the itching, these plants can cause extreme diarrhea and uncontrollable vomiting.
We have had bear sightings at every park and town and they are after your pic-a-nic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.
Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season. We have silverback gorillas invading our parks and it’s their mating season.
Porcupines are making their return and are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment. Skunks have multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.
Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, swarms of giant crickets, and even some west African grasshoppers that spit Skoal wintergreen.
Scorpions have now migrated here and have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, even automobiles. Tarantulas are now stealing people's food and biting like crazy.
I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King debuted on Netflix) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.
Head lice now fly, we have vampire bats, and don’t even try and forget about the Moth Man! Glowing eyes and wings like a scene out of Jeepers Creepers!
Oh, and no one is vaccinated.
I hear Kentucky and Ohio are really nice though. 👍🏼