01/06/2026
Grief
The 8 months since Marty’s passing, have been brutal without him
Father’s Day , Mother’s Day, both of our birthdays and those of our children, our 43rd wedding anniversary, the births of our third and fourth granddaughters, a trip to Durango that we had planned to do together, and I went alone, Thanksgiving, Christmas, our annual trip to Rocky point in November, our annual New Year’s Eve camping trip.
To be perfectly honest life without him is unimaginably, lonely, sad, and many times just unbearable. I grieve the loss of his big, glorious, precious life and our life together. I miss waking up to him every morning and going to sleep in his arms. I miss his smile and his voice and his kiss. I miss his silliness. I miss sitting somewhere watching him, do photography and waiting for hours for the perfect light, the perfect shot. I even miss his annoying habit of telling me exactly how many miles it is from point A to point B and the infamous frequent butt dials. I miss quiet nights together, listening to 70s music and playing cards, and his bad dance moves. I miss talking with him, hearing about his day and telling him about mine. I miss him following me around like my shadow, always wanting to be in the same room with me. I miss planning our next adventure and deciding which trip to cross off our bucket list. I miss our side-by-side rides, sometimes getting lost, but always having the best time together. I miss camping with him and his huge gasoline campfires. I miss him telling me I’m pretty. I miss his hand holding mine anytime we were out and his hugs. I miss his presence. The love. The safety and security of knowing that I am always protected when he was around.
But most of all I miss being his wife and best friend and having him to love and care for. What do I do with all this in my heart that is only meant for him?
Thank you my Sedona sisters, my friends, cousins and family for being with me day and night through thick and thin. For tirelessly listening to me grieve, for handing me a Kleenex when the tears just flow and for the hugs when there are no words, all to let me know how much I’m cared for and loved and that I’m never alone. No words can ever express my love for you all and although I’m the super needy one now, I will always be there for you❤️
I guess we’ll find out what 2026 and the future has in store for me when it happens. “I’m trying” is my mantra for 2026. Trying to find the new normal, trying to find more joy and gratitude, trying to be more social and return phone calls from caring friends, trying to find better ways to process the grief and remember Marty with more love than grief. Trying to remember that there is life really worth living. That’s the best I can do for now , just try.
