07/25/2024
The below article was written by a person named Dallas McKay. I'm not sure who he is or if real name. It was written on Quora Digest a few years ago. So funny and maybe semi truthful. July 25, 2024.
Is living in Florida all that amazing?
Yup; amazing.
It's amazingly hot. There are places with higher temperatures and more humidity. But Florida mixes them so perfectly that you sweat perpetually. If you want to know what Florida feels like in thr summer, put on a regular set of clothes, go into a sauna, do a handstand and p*e all over yourself.
It's amazingly deadly. Everything grows in Florida. Poison ivy, poison oak, poison sumak, and any other plant that will give you a rash. Add to that anything you can eat that will kill you. There are trees that when burned, put out a poisonous smoke. Of course, there are snakes. Big snakes. Big poisonous snakes. There is a rattle snake thay grows to about eight feet. Then there are the water moccasins, cotton mouths and copper heads. Then we have boa constructors and pythons that started as pets, but now live in the wild, or your crawl space.
And finally, there are leftovers from the age of the dinosaurs wandering around. Not just alligators, those guys are down right docile. We have crocodiles as well. They're rare, but they're out there, and they are mean.
We also have black widows and brown recluse spiders.
The state is amazingly unstable. The ground opens up and swallows whatever is on top of it now and again. Not earthquakes, sink holes. Earthquakes can be detected and defended against. Not a sinkhole. One day, the ground below you gives out. Turns out you lived on top of a river.
Also, Florida is basically a sandbar. Sandbars are temporary. Florida used to be something to the effect of 80% the state was underwater. It was swamp. It really wants to be swamp again.
It gets amazing storms. Let's start with hurricanes. That's God trying to get Florida back underwater. You also have constant rainstorms with freakish amounts of lightning. Waters spouts are tornadoes on the ocean. It's weird.
It has amazing people. Amazingly old people. Welcome to heaven's lobby. It has the highest concentration of people 55 and older in the world. And they have drivers licenses. Many of the people are from major cities with outstanding public transportation. Tampa is a suburb of NYC. We even have the Yankees spring training and a farm team. A woman I knew as a kid had never driven a car until she was in her seventies. Her husband drove, or she took the train. And, nobody is actually from Florida. So, you get drivers from around the world. Add the tourists into the picture. So, you have octogenarians, tourists from the UK, people from the rust belt, our own home grown rednecks all in one place. They may not all be bad drivers, but they all have different styles.
The old people have loser kids. They come down to mooch off their folks. These people clog up the dive bars as they bitch about their mom, who me they're living off of.
They have a serious pill problem, but it's on account of their bum knee that they need to take vicadin and whisky.
We have an amazing super hero. Florida Man (and woman). Florida Man is a semi mythical being that is nowhere and everywhere. But, every day, no matter where you are, if you open a paper, odds are you'll here his name said, followed by a tale of daring do. “A Florida Man named…was arrested today…” from there it goes on about how he was n**e, influenced by drugs or a lack thereof, and did something horrible involving an animal or his a**s. He usually has a filthy t-shirt, a bushy mustache and a receding hairline.
Florida is full of natural wonders and great opportunities for outdoorsman. It has some great weather between the heatwave and no rainstorms. If you hate hills, welcome to utopia. Please stay away.
