04/01/2025
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BREAKING NEWS: Lake Oswego Introduces Snapping Turtles as a “Natural Deterrent” to Public Lake Access
LAKE OSWEGO, OR — In an effort to maintain the exclusivity of Oswego Lake, while technically complying with the recent public access ruling, city officials have announced the strategic introduction of Peruvian Snapping Turtles into the waters near Millennium Park.
“Look, we’re all about sharing,” said a city official. “We just believe a ‘swim-at-your-own-risk’ policy is the best policy to help maintain the peaceful, private nature of the lake.”
The city has assured residents the Peruvian Snapping Turtles were carefully selected due to their limited range and habitat. “There are no lakefront homes within 100 yards of Millennium Park, so we don’t foresee a problem,” added the city official.
The Peruvian Snapping Turtle is expected to remain in a small area just in front of or adjacent to Millennium Park to “naturally” discourage non-residents. But should a turtle swim beyond its natural habitat, homeowners should expect sharp, painful strikes concentrated below the knee.
Some residents have applauded the proactive measures taken by the city. “Exclusivity has its price. That price is a toe or two!” Exclaimed one lakefront homeowner. Still others have their doubts, with an expected success rate of about 72%, some homeowners have wanted measures with better odds of success. Everything from leashed alligators to specially trained eels has been suggested.
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