12/31/2023
Farewell 2023 ✨
As much as I want to say this year ended with happy tears and clear answers, it was quite the opposite.
I want to preface by saying that I have been pretty open about our struggles with infertility/IVF. I’ve been told to “keep private matters confidential” & to “not share too much to protect my heart.” As much as I appreciate the concern, I share in hopes that women/couples out there who are in the depths of this same pain don’t feel alone & that it’s okay to ask questions and seek answers. I could have a whole blog page dedicated to the stigma around women’s fertility, but I’ll hop off my soapbox for now.
On December 15th, I had my second egg retrieval. After 15 days of shots & more shots, we were so hopeful that this would be our last retrieval. This cycle was super hard on my body, but I was willing to endure the pain if it meant our chances of success would increase. When I woke up from the procedure, my Dr informed us that 5 eggs were retrieved! We were so elated! It meant the higher dosages & addition of Lupron forced my stubborn ovaries to work.
The nurse called the next day with an update. Out of 5 eggs retrieved, only 2 were mature and none made it fertilization.
Tears, sadness, guilt, shame, anger overwhelmed us. It took awhile to process that our cycle had failed. I tried to prepare myself for a failed cycle, I knew nothing was guaranteed. Preparing is one thing, experiencing emotional trauma is a whole beast of its own.
Hearing that our cycle failed right before Christmas sucked. We had so many questions that were left unanswered until after the holiday season. I felt so stuck in my suffering for weeks.
The Lord continues to teach me to not waste my suffering. After many discovery conversations, I started to be proactive again (no one picks me up like Jesus).
I’m entering 2024 a little traumatized, but healing with help from the Holy Spirit. We have faith that our family will grow, there’s so many people praying for baby H - a miracle is coming.
We are taking a break to allow my body to heal, get answers & a new plan of action. Please continue to pray for us during this pause 🤍🌈🫶🏼
