09/10/2026
🚨 LIVE FROM THE HOA EMERGENCY COMMAND CENTER 🚨
At 7:58 a.m., a resident reported a trash can still visible from the street.
By 8:04 a.m., management had received:
📧 14 emails
📞 6 phone calls
📸 38 photographs from different angles
🎥 Doorbell footage enhanced like an FBI investigation
⚖️ Two threats to “call Tallahassee”
🚓 One request for police involvement
📋 And a demand that the CAM “handle this immediately”
The trash can was removed at 8:06 a.m.
The investigation remains ongoing. 😂
Meanwhile, your Community Association Manager is expected to:
✅ Replace the roof without collecting money
✅ Lower insurance premiums using positive thoughts
✅ Control the rain, wind, hurricanes, sprinklers, and migrating birds
✅ Make contractors arrive early, charge less, and answer their phones
✅ Identify the owner of mysterious dog p**p using forensic science
✅ Explain why reserves cannot be used for a community cruise
✅ Enforce every rule—except against the person requesting enforcement
✅ Stop the upstairs neighbor from “walking too loudly”
✅ Determine whether a palm frond fell naturally or “with malicious intent”
Owner: “I don’t want any drama.”
Also the owner: Copies the entire community, three attorneys, the mayor, Channel 9 News, and a cousin who “knows Florida law.” 🤣
And then comes the most terrifying sentence in association management:
“I just have one quick question…”
Ma’am, your “quick question” requires two attorneys, an engineer, a licensed contractor, a board vote, 14 days’ notice, three certified letters, and an interpretation of documents written in 1987. ☕😩
Please be patient with your CAM. We are doing our best while managing buildings, budgets, boards, vendors, violations—and occasionally grown adults fighting over a parking space they do not actually own.
Now, if everyone will excuse me, I’ve been asked to notify the ocean that it is making too much noise after 10:00 p.m. 🌊🚀
Rachel DeCamp, LREA, Property Manager, LCAM
