08/15/2026
My mom is dying far away and I can’t be there because my family needs me
Support
My mom, who has been the single most supportive loving person in my life from the day I was born until now, is in the hospital in Georgia, dying of ovarian cancer, and I can’t be by her side because I live in Oregon, and my wife and I have a three year old and a five month old that are difficult for one person to handle with no other time commitments, and my wife has to go back to work on Monday. I lost my job in June, and while we’re lucky enough to have a decent cushion, we can’t afford for my wife to lose her job too, and she works at a highly competitive layoff happy company.
She was gracious enough to watch the kids by herself for four days last week while I went back to see my Mom, but I could see that she was barely treading water then. I can’t and don’t blame her, I would be too.
Our five month old is super sweet and chill, but his sister, who I love dearly, is a big ball of feelings. She’s aware of what’s happening to her grandmother, and she’s processing it slowly. We lost my Dad last year, and she’s kind of processed that too, but she doesn’t remember him the way she does her Grandma. She’s also processing her brother’s entry to the family, and while she’s quite smitten with him, she’s sensitive to times when he’s getting attention and she’s not, and she tends to act out when my wife is the one watching them both. When I’m around she wants to be with me 24/7, and if given her way would prefer to never let me out of her sight. She handled my absence well but the sense of relief is so incredible palpable now that I’m home, and I don’t think she’d cope well at all if I went back.
Meanwhile, my poor sister is burning out trying to be there for my mom all the time. She had to hire someone to sit with my Mom in the hospital so she could go get some rest, at my Mom’s insistence. Before she left, my Mom asked her for a stuffed animal, which breaks my heart. I know she needs comfort, and she spent three weeks by my side in the hospital when I broke my leg as a kid, never once leaving. I feel like such an as***le being here, even though I know I need to be for my family.
